Heyo. Argh. Dunno why but nowadays very sian.. and quite emotional..maybe it's cause i am going to leave my class soon...

Swinging back the pendulum , i still remembered the time when i first came to sec 5Faith. I went to class with hatred and anger...I dont even wanna be there. I was different back then. There was so much darkness inside of me ( caused by my lung problem and some friendship betrayal shits) , that i eventually closed up on everyone..I even had this resolve of not making friends , and just get on with the O levels..The first day of school was terrible... i dont have any friends there at all .. and my friends are all at poly or JC , while i am stuck in a sec 5 class.. I feel so inferior , so sucky.

I was so reticent that , during recess , i will hide inside the toilet for the recess to be over...cuz i dun wanna communicate with anyone.. I even sent a sms to "her". Cuz she's probably the only one left for me to confide to..But i am just so stupid..i waited and waited for the sms..but it didnt come when i need it the most.. but i dont blame her at all , instead i blame myself. I shouldnt keep bothering other ppl , it's time to just stick to myself. I feel so bad whenever i made her feel guilty or whatever.So since , i am on my own..'

But through time.. despite my aloofness , i became less closed-up.. even without myself knowing. And soon , i am laughing together with my classmates.. I made new friends , and my perspective of them changed.. cuz we are all in this together.. we have a same purpose , and that is to pass our O lvls. I soon developed a bond with them.. like Nic , Dew , Zong, marcus, ming jing and Galv and lots lots more like Valerie and Jason...etc.
I never expect myself to become friends with them , and i can proudly say , I do not regret it at all..In fact , i feel even happier in 5 Faith then in 4 Diligence , probably cause only Kiat keng was there for me at that time , and i hate the pai kias in 4 dil. To the core. Like fuck off man , act nia.

Sec 5 peeps are WAY better than those half-assed bitches. ( woot feel so shiok saying this ). I really hope that i will be able to maintain this relationship with my brothers and friends in 5 Faith, even after many many years later..until the world ends. Too bad , time is the enemy... therefore we must cherish the bond we have now. To all sec 5 Faith classmates , please support the 5 Faith star awards , because we are one family ( i am not embarassed to say this. (: ) Even i , a guy who has only been with you guys for one year , is already so attached .... so guys
please support.. and cherish the time we have left together..

Galvin , dun worry , even if no one wanna come... I'll still be there. Definitely. (:

SoLO

Hello. Sorry for not blogging for such a long time.. recently fell ill. Got quite serious throat infection , think probably due to the over-straining of my voice. Had fever first , then sore throat.. Then got one time coughed out blood. Doctor says its normal cuz the throat wall dunno like very red. Then took antibiotics and stuff lor..

Haiz , now at home resting..So tired , bored and indescribably isolated...wanna go back to school soon!!! >.<

SoLO

Hello people (: Just came back from Raffles place , whereby "Amplify in the city" was held. WOOHOO! it was such a blast haha. For those of you who dont know , it is an event organised by Amplify ( catholic youth organisation ) to worship and praise God , by gathering youths from all over Singapore.

Went with Nick and Zong to raffles.We took the MRT there , and we thought we were going to be late. Then saw Valerie at the Raffles MRT station. After tt proceeded to the venue , which is like after several mazes in the underground tunnel -.-

Then reached the place le. OMG sia , that place is so freaking grand and stylo. The praise and worship session took place inside an auditorium.Sang lots of AWESOME worship songs , and me , zong and nick were freaking high tonite. haha. In between the worship , the emcee , Mr Leonard Koh , one of the leaders of Amplify sort of discussed about a chapter in the bible.

It is super duper meaningful. The chapter is about Lord Jesus going all the way to Samaria to find this samaritan woman , to cure her of her problems.( her inner secrets , shame and sins)

He also said something which struck a chord within me.Ever wondered why shows of super heroes are getting more and more popular? Shows like Ironman , Batman and stuff. Actually , deep within us , we want to be extraordinary people. Seen , heard , and recognised by the others. We want our lives to be so much more than what we think we can do , which are to a limited extent.We have this emptiness within us sometimes. The feeling of lost , despair and "emo". These are the things which haunted me for sooooo long.

Let me tell you a short stoy here. In the icy regions of the world , do you know how do Eskimos ( those living in igloos ) hunt for food? They take a knife , dipped the knife in a dead animal's blood , and dry it.The process is being repeated over and over and over again , until the knife is totally coated in dried blood. The Eskimo then place the knife on the ground (Ice) , with the blade facing up into the sky. A wolf would be attracted to the knife , due to its animal instinct. It will continue to lick the knife , and as it does so , its bloodlust increases. It then begins to lick even more , until gradually , the coating of dried blood is gone , and the real blade reveals.The wolf dont realise that , the blood that its licking , is acutally its own. Eventually , the wolf died.

This is very real in our lives. When we are in despair , we will indulge in other meaningless things to find satisfaction. But the story of Jesus finding the Samaritan woman shows tt God is the only way whereby your "thirst" can be fully quench. Other means of finding satisfaction will eventually lead you to even more thirst , and eventually , more broken up. This is the same concept depicted in the story of the Eskimo and the wolf.

I've learnt that we have to run TOWARDS God , NOT AWAY. We dont have to have the fear of being afraid that God would be angry , because He is forgiving and loving.it is our perception , that he is angry with our sins , that often turn us away from God , who wants us to approach him instead.

After all , God is our father , someone for us to seek forgiveness with. The fountain of life , the water that will truly quench our "thirst". (craving for the thing you want deep within oneself eg. love )

SoLO

Hey all. This is gonna be a long ranting post , so if you dun have the mood to hear me rant or vent , then please skip today's content.Haha see , i so considerate.Even ranting also got spoiler alert.LOL.Okay , here it begins.

I've been thinking for a long time , and i am seriously frustrated to the core about something. Justice , is it really there in this world? Why do all the lame and show-off people getting fame and recognition , but not the truly talented ones who deserved it?

The same goes for credit.I will speak the truth here. I fucking hate the SLB.Flame me all you want.Cuz u all do not know the fucking fact that goes around.I came back to the SLB , thinking with enthusiasm that i will be able to serve and work with pride in the council.But i was disappointed.I faced rejection in many ways. I didnt get to go to any Leadership camps.I was "advised" not to cuz of my pathetic body.

No one approached me in the SLB to talk to me.Only my juniors , Amily , Ming teck, Ying yan and my few classmates in SLB wud say hi and talk to me for abit. I am TOTALLY invisible in the SLB. During the Annual General Meeting , duties were given out to the councillors. I didnt even get ONE duty. If you think that they are doing so cuz i am sec 5 and i need to concentrate on my Os , then why the hell they give it to other sec 5 SLs but not me? Cuz of my lung problem? Cuz they think i cant do it?

FUCK. If i didnt want to do duty , i wouldnt even be fucking back in the SLB. What else do i wear the tie for? To let it get dusty? yeah , now perhaps. I find no sense of belonging anymore.People are not doing their duty well , and in the hall duty , i am the only one to fucking pick up rubbish and used tissue while other councillors use 'EYE POWER'. Fantastic. The ex-cos? even more pro. Level 2 'EYE POWER'. 'MOUTH POWER' also. Only talk cock. Do i EVER see them in action? Hell NO.

If you wanna fucking command ppl and gain their respect , then u better show a good example.But too bad u dont seem so to me. So u fucking dun get any respect from me. I am disappointed.I shall resign as a councillor , within the core of my being. For the tie, i will just wear it as a fashion statement until i get my freaking testimonial before i burn/disintegrate/melt/ it.

So much for "There is no "I" in team". The irony. "I" am really not in their team. Solo i go then.

As for love life , it is the same case. I will never be found , never seen nor heard. Yet i cant stop myself from falling in love.I am really disgusted bout the reality of this world , and the bunch of show-offs scums. I would really like to protect "her" from these bastards , but i cant. Its NOT within the locus of my control.What even fucking right do i have to protect her? I am just a guy with freaking lung problems unable to do anything.And these ppl are just gonna take her away from me. I can only watch , and pain is inevitable.

But anyways, i am still gonna be myself , and no one more. Cuz i believe in my values , even if i have lost , i wont be as bastard as them. At least...


SoLO

ok , tt stupid ranting post aside , i forget to tok about the class reunion of 4 diligence07. LOl psps ah.. We had steamboat at bugis , then it is dam heartwarming to see all my ex-classmates back haha.Hope still got more outings like this sia xD.

Ok the pic above is dam random lor LOL . Kiat Keng , me(middle) , and Jia Le posing like crazy ppl for the camera LOL. Look weird sia hahaha. Anyway anyone got more photos send me pls tyty!! ^^


SoLO

Yo...Dammit. Shitty things keep happening to me. For some reason , when i tried to
feel happy or motivated , the next day will always get me. So many things are really hurtin me badly..and they keep flooding in.. I am drowning under all these... Can something make me happy? For once? At LEAST???

Ppl keep saying i sound emo , look emo...wadever. But no one will understand how much i am going through.. No one , except God..I tried countless times to stand up after every fall , putting on a smile , just to hide my feelings..It's so stupid. Why
am i trying so hard , when eventually , everything goes down the drain?

Maybe i should be apathetic , so that i would not hurt so much.Maybe i should care less.. Why do i always have so much freaking hope when it is gonna hurt so much more? I always belived , that MAYBE something good will turn out in the end..guess i am just too naive , too stupid..