I will endure. Love is simple, but it is definitely not easy. There are bound to be hardships, but it could be overcomed. That's the power of love.

Many people are telling me how this relationship would not work out etc etc. Despite our different lifestyles. It doesnt have to be this complicated. I said I love her for who she is, and it will be that way. Even if she go to pubs and all, i will still love her as much, although i dont like her to go to all that places.

I really love her a lot, although there are a lot of times when i feel so fucked up inside due to so many things. But at the end of the day,i still want to hug her and tell her that she's not alone.

All these emotions are really taking a toll on my heart now, and my chest problems just have to add on to this. I don't know, but i can only pray to God. I pray to Jesus to teach me how to love her, and how to help her. I want to love her like He does.

Perhaps the world might just end tomorrow, or i may be gone anytime. I dont know, but i just want to love with all i have, even if the pain in my heart and all the hurt kills me. I am fool.. but i love my girl.

Vin

Why am i feeling like this? I should be happy, right? I dont know. I'm so worried about her. She's like a little girl running around, with all the dangers around, so near.

I'm a jealous boyfriend. I dont like to hear her talk about her ex. I dont want to hear them. I want to erase them. I them to completely disappear from her memory.

I'm a protective boyfriend. Over protective or am i just a fool? I feel like destroying everything that insults her, even if it means breaking my own body. But i cant do it. I dont have the strength to, and i feel like a retard when my actions make her upset.

I don't like her to go to clubs, pubs, drink or talk to other guys. She may not like it, but it's for her own good in the long run. I just dont like it. Take it or leave it or leave me..

I'm seriously fucked up with all the anger in me. Any single shit nonsense could blast that extreme murderous intent up to my head and i could fuck anyone up in that instant. I dont know how... but i need to rant, i need to vent. but how? but where?
I could not even fucking punch a wall in my house toilet. I cannot scream, i cannot shout, my lungs hurt like fuck after that. Can i cry? maybe under the sheets. or in the showers. And i have to cry silently, like fuck does it feel satisfying when you got a shitload to unleash.

i feel so insecure, like what i do does not even matter. i am giving my 100%. i dont give a fuck if it's my first love. i want it to be my last. that's how commited i am. i dont know why, but i am hurt like fuck that i dont even know. there is just this pain in me, this concern, this jealousy, this insecurity, this anger.i dont know...

Forget about the previous post. I have my awesome and loving girlfriend, so it doesn't matter anymore. :D

What does it feel like to grit your teeth everywhere, every place, everytime? It feels like I've gotten used to it, but somewhere inside me, there is still this part of me that is storing all these frustrations. That side of me who wants to burst out at every single 'gangster' wannabe on the streets and screw them up.

What can i do when someone on the street just randomly say to his friends "Eh, want beat that guy (me) up or not?" It fucking irritates and provoke me to the core when i am some 'toy' or some subject they seem they can mess with. Indeed with my current body state now, i can do nth but walk away gritting my teeth. Deep inside, there's always this urge to destory everything to the deepest core when i am annoyed over the smallest thing like smelling some asshole smoking into my face.
I am having trouble controlling it now. I dont know when i can keep smiling. Perhaps one day i'll just smash someone's head while smiling without myself knowing it. ARGH, i'm just letting loose here. You'll never know my frustrations until you are actually me.

Vin