Why am i feeling like this? I should be happy, right? I dont know. I'm so worried about her. She's like a little girl running around, with all the dangers around, so near.

I'm a jealous boyfriend. I dont like to hear her talk about her ex. I dont want to hear them. I want to erase them. I them to completely disappear from her memory.

I'm a protective boyfriend. Over protective or am i just a fool? I feel like destroying everything that insults her, even if it means breaking my own body. But i cant do it. I dont have the strength to, and i feel like a retard when my actions make her upset.

I don't like her to go to clubs, pubs, drink or talk to other guys. She may not like it, but it's for her own good in the long run. I just dont like it. Take it or leave it or leave me..

I'm seriously fucked up with all the anger in me. Any single shit nonsense could blast that extreme murderous intent up to my head and i could fuck anyone up in that instant. I dont know how... but i need to rant, i need to vent. but how? but where?
I could not even fucking punch a wall in my house toilet. I cannot scream, i cannot shout, my lungs hurt like fuck after that. Can i cry? maybe under the sheets. or in the showers. And i have to cry silently, like fuck does it feel satisfying when you got a shitload to unleash.

i feel so insecure, like what i do does not even matter. i am giving my 100%. i dont give a fuck if it's my first love. i want it to be my last. that's how commited i am. i dont know why, but i am hurt like fuck that i dont even know. there is just this pain in me, this concern, this jealousy, this insecurity, this anger.i dont know...