I feel lost... It's like ever since "that" accident , i am caught up in this twist of fate.. Everything is just not right. I feel like i am walking in the wrong direction..and somehow only with my shadow.

I just hope that everything is not so fucked up..I wish i have a stronger body. I dun want my lungs to keep collapsing just like that. I wanna do sports like the rest . I wanna do PE with my friends. I wanna run like no one's business.. scream like my lung wont burst..I dun wanna be confined to nothingness.. There are so many things i cannot do now. And when i look at others , what else can i compensate for? Only my brain. I feel so bad about myself too , I am not as capable as others. They have twice my stamina , and can live on without worrying. I live in fear everyday , praying to my dear Lord , that i will stay healthy..I dont want my friends to worry bout me anymore. I dont wanna be their burden.I hate that look on their face , i wanna bring smile instead.

And the world is cruel. I have learnt it the hard way. Betrayal exists. I am a victim of it countless times..to the point where i dont know what is real and what's not anymore.People can be real fucked up sometimes..they take advantage when you are good to them , and take it for granted.But , no one's perfect. So i'll just gotta live with it , with my own principles. I have my own values , they can keep theirs. There is nothing to lose for me.

I just wish... everything will turn out fine.. I still have my reason to live. I still remembered , a pastor once said that the Lord said " Endurance shall save your lives" . Somehow, this word is deeply etched into my head. And it has become sort of a motto for me to never give up. And i hope that readers here would also not give up in whatever you do.

Dam , i sound dam lame... Oh well sorry for all these. I just feel like venting everything out. Haha, dun take it to heart.


SoLO